When the Monsters Come Helping Your Child Through Nightmares
It’s always in the small hours.
You’re pulled from your own sleep by the sound of sobbing. A soft knock at the door. Tiny feet padding across the floor. Your child appears, wide-eyed and trembling, their voice barely a whisper.
“I had a bad dream.”
You scoop them into your arms. Their heart is pounding against your chest, and they cling as though the dream might still reach out and pull them back in.
You murmur the familiar words parents have whispered for generations.
“It wasn’t real. It was just a dream.”
But in their world, it was real. The fear lingers in their body long after the images have faded. And you’re left wondering how to help—not just tonight, but tomorrow night, and the night after that.
This chapter is your guide for those moments. It’s about understanding why nightmares happen, how to comfort your child when fear wakes them, and how to build a sense of safety that allows them to close their eyes without dread.
It’s about giving you the tools to be the calm in their storm.
Understanding Nightmares: What They Are and Why They Happen
Nightmares are vivid, frightening dreams that wake a child from sleep. They typically occur during REM sleep, the stage when the brain is highly active and processing emotions, memories, and experiences.
For young children, whose imaginations are vivid and whose sense of control over their world is still developing, this processing can sometimes manifest as terrifying images or scenarios.
It’s important to know that nightmares are a normal part of development. Studies show that up to half of all children aged three to six have occasional nightmares, and around one in five may experience them regularly.
But while they’re common, their impact can be significant. Children who have frequent nightmares often develop anxiety around sleep itself. They may resist bedtime, fear being alone, or struggle to get back to sleep after an episode.
Common triggers for nightmares
Life changes
Starting school, moving house, the arrival of a new sibling—all these events can stir up emotions that surface at night.
Stress and anxiety
Even worries that seem small to adults, like a disagreement with a friend or a test at school, can weigh heavily on a child’s mind.
Overstimulation
Scary films, intense video games, or even exciting activities late in the day can leave the brain too wired to rest peacefully.
Sleep deprivation
Ironically, overtiredness can make nightmares more likely, as a disrupted sleep cycle increases time spent in REM sleep.
Trauma
In some cases, nightmares may reflect a child’s attempts to process frightening or distressing experiences.
Understanding these triggers is not about blame but about awareness. It allows us to approach our child’s night-time fears with curiosity and compassion rather than frustration.
What to Do in the Moment
When a nightmare wakes your child, their body is still in the grip of fear. Their heart is pounding, their breathing rapid, and their nervous system flooded with adrenaline. They are caught between the world of the dream and the reality of their room.
Your role is not to talk them out of it, but to help their body and mind remember they are safe.
Be their anchor
Sit with them. Hold them if they want. Your calm presence is the most powerful reassurance.
Speak slowly and softly.
“I know that was scary. You’re awake now. You’re safe. The dream can’t hurt you here.”
Avoid minimising their experience with phrases like “it was nothing” or “don’t be silly.” To them, the fear was real, and being heard matters.
Help them settle their body
Fear doesn’t live in words; it lives in the body. Help your child reset their nervous system with simple techniques.
Breathing together
Sit close and model slow, steady breathing. Place your hand on your own belly and say, “Let’s see if we can make our tummies rise and fall like waves.”
Grounding their senses
Gently ask them to name three things they can see, two things they can hear, and one thing they can feel. This brings their focus back to the room and away from the dream.
Reassure through the environment
If it helps, leave a nightlight on. Check under the bed or in the wardrobe together. Offer them a comfort object—a soft toy or a special blanket.
These rituals may seem small, but for a child, they are tangible reminders of safety.
Talking About Nightmares the Next Day
In the light of day, when your child is calm, you can revisit the nightmare gently.
Encourage them to share
Invite them to tell you about their dream. Listen without rushing to fix or explain it away. Simply being heard helps them process the emotions.
Help them change the ending
You can use a technique called imagery rehearsal. Once they’ve described the dream, ask:
“What would make the ending feel safer or braver?”
Perhaps the monster shrinks to the size of a mouse. Or a superhero swoops in and carries them to safety. Or they grow wings and fly away.
Ask them to rehearse this new ending in their imagination, like replaying a favourite scene from a film.
This technique, supported by research, has been shown to reduce the frequency and intensity of recurring nightmares.
Externalise fear through play and art
Some children benefit from drawing their nightmare and then altering it—adding silly hats to the scary characters or turning dark colours into bright ones.
Others may enjoy acting out a new version of the dream with toys, giving them control over the story.
Building a Bedtime Routine That Prevents Nightmares
Nightmares often take root in a nervous system that doesn’t feel safe. A consistent, soothing bedtime routine can help a child’s body and mind relax into sleep.
The five pillars of a nightmare-preventing routine
Regularity – Keep bedtimes and wake times consistent, even at weekends.
Relaxation – Include calming activities like a warm bath, gentle stretching, or a quiet story.
Reassurance – End the day with a positive reflection: “What was one good thing about today?”
Reduction of stimulation – Avoid screens, rough play, or intense conversations in the hour before bed.
Room environment – Ensure the bedroom feels like a safe, inviting space.
How the STILL Method Helps Children Rewrite Night-Time Anxiety
Stop
Create a pause before bedtime for breathing or mindfulness exercises to ease transition into sleep.
Talk
Encourage open conversations about worries that may otherwise surface in dreams.
Imagine
Use guided imagery to help your child create a “safe place” in their mind—a garden, a castle, a spaceship—where they can retreat if bad dreams return.
Listen
Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues. Sometimes, what’s unsaid holds the biggest clue to their fears.
Learn
Together, reflect on what routines, rituals, and tools seem to help most.
When to Seek Professional Help
Occasional nightmares are part of childhood. But consider seeking extra support if:
Nightmares happen several times a week.
Your child begins resisting bedtime or fearing sleep.
The dreams involve real-life traumatic content.
Anxiety from nightmares is spilling into daytime behaviour.
Your GP, CAMHS, or a qualified child therapist can help. STILL-trained coaches also provide practical support for families navigating sleep anxiety.
A Closing Word for Parents
It’s 3am. Your child clings to you, still shaking from a world only they could see. You hold them close and whisper words of comfort, even as your own eyelids are heavy.
This is hard. But it will not last forever.
With time, compassion, and the right tools, you can help your child’s night-time world feel safe again. You can show them that monsters lose their power when faced with light, love, and a parent who understands.
Because this isn’t just about bad dreams. It’s about teaching your child that they are never alone in their fear.
