Ambiguous Loss: Grief Without Closure
Not all grief comes from death. Sometimes the hardest griefs are the ones without clear endings — when the person is still alive, but absent in a profound way. This is called ambiguous loss, and it can be one of the most challenging forms of grief to recognise and support.
👉 If you’d like to see how accredited grief coach training prepares you to recognise and respond to complex forms of grief like this, explore our full guide:
Accredited Grief Coach Training: Support Others After Loss, With Confidence
What Is Ambiguous Loss?
The term was first described by Dr Pauline Boss to capture the experience of grieving when closure is impossible. Common examples include:
A loved one living with dementia or severe brain injury.
A parent physically present but emotionally unavailable.
Families of missing people who never receive answers.
Divorce, estrangement, or adoption where the bond remains but is altered.
Unlike bereavement, ambiguous loss can last for years — an ongoing grief that doesn’t resolve with rituals like funerals or memorials.
Why Ambiguous Loss Is So Difficult
Ambiguous loss creates a sense of frozen grief. People often feel:
Confused — unsure if they are allowed to grieve someone who is still alive.
Guilty — torn between hope and despair.
Exhausted — carrying the weight of a loss with no clear end.
Isolated — friends may not understand why the grief feels so heavy.
Without support, ambiguous loss can lead to prolonged distress and complicated grief.
How Ambiguous Loss Shows Up
Families of dementia patients may grieve the personality changes long before physical death.
Children of absent parents may mourn a relationship that never existed.
Communities may live in limbo after disasters when loved ones are missing.
In every case, the uncertainty makes coping harder. There’s no closure, no clear line between “before” and “after.”
How Training Helps Practitioners Support It
Accredited grief training prepares coaches to:
Name ambiguous loss so clients feel validated in their grief.
Normalise the confusion of grieving someone who is still alive.
Provide safe expression tools (writing, art, memory work) to process emotions without forcing closure.
Support families over time as the grief ebbs and flows.
Work ethically, knowing when to signpost to therapy if distress becomes clinical.
FAQs
Is ambiguous loss the same as anticipatory grief?
No. Anticipatory grief is grieving before a death; ambiguous loss is grieving without closure, often with the person still alive.
Can ambiguous loss affect children?
Yes. Children may struggle to understand absence or change (e.g. estranged parents, dementia in grandparents). Training prepares coaches to explain and support age-appropriately.
Why is ambiguous loss often missed?
Because it doesn’t look like “traditional” grief. People feel stuck in uncertainty, and outsiders may not even see it as grief at all.
Finding the Right Training
Ambiguous loss is complex and often overlooked — but it’s deeply real for those who live it.
If you want to support people through this kind of grief, you’ll need accredited, trauma-informed training that equips you with the tools to name, normalise, and hold space for it.
👉 Learn more in our complete guide:
Accredited Grief Coach Training: Support Others After Loss, With Confidence
