8 Trauma-Informed Techniques Every Grief Coach Should Know
Grief isn’t tidy. It doesn’t follow rules.
And it doesn’t always show up in the ways people expect.
That’s why trauma-informed grief coaching isn’t just a “nice to have”—it’s essential.
When someone is grieving, especially after a sudden or traumatic loss, their nervous system is often in survival mode. Coaches need tools that go beyond listening. They need ways to help people feel safe enough to process what’s happened.
Here are 8 trauma-informed techniques every grief coach should know—and why they work.
1. Start with safety, not stories
Rather than jumping into “tell me about your loss,” trauma-informed coaches begin with grounding and consent.
“Is it okay if we pause for a moment before we begin?”
“Would it help to know what we’ll cover today?”
This helps settle the nervous system and gives the client a sense of control. Because when someone’s world has fallen apart, predictability is medicine.
2. Name what’s happening in the body
Grief isn’t just emotional—it’s physiological. Many clients can’t “talk” their way through it, but they can describe the physical.
“I feel a lump in my throat.”
“My chest feels tight.”
“I’m numb.”
A trauma-informed coach normalises this.
They say: “That makes sense. Let’s stay with it for a moment.”
Not to fix it, but to honour it.
3. Use metaphors, not labels
Instead of saying, “You’re in denial,” a coach might say,
“It’s like your brain has closed one eye for a while. It lets in what it can cope with.”
Metaphors speak to the emotional brain.
They build bridges.
They allow meaning without pressure.
STILL Method tools like “The Ribbon of Confidence” or “Cuddling the Puppy” do exactly this: offering imagery that soothes, explains, and empowers.
4. Follow the pace of the slowest part
In trauma-informed work, speed isn’t a sign of progress—safety is.
Some clients will talk easily. Others won’t.
A good coach notices subtle cues: changes in breathing, posture, even blinking.
If something feels “too much,” the coach doesn’t push.
They pause.
They ask: “Do you want to continue, or stop for now?”
5. Work with windows, not pressure
The Window of Tolerance model helps coaches notice when someone is:
Frozen (shut down)
Flooded (overwhelmed)
Or in their window (able to feel and reflect)
Tools like grounding, movement, or simply changing topic help clients come back into their window before re-engaging.
This is trauma-informed pacing in action.
6. Offer structure when the world feels chaotic
After loss, time warps. Decisions feel impossible.
Simple routines can help.
A trauma-informed coach might say:
“Would it help to have a short weekly goal?”
“Do you want a journaling prompt or to draw this week’s theme?”
Grief coaching isn’t always verbal.
Structure = safety, especially for clients navigating chaotic feelings.
7. Make space for rage, guilt, or numbness
People often feel ashamed of “unacceptable” grief reactions:
“I’m angry they left me.”
“I feel nothing.”
“I laughed at the funeral.”
A trauma-informed grief coach welcomes the full spectrum.
Not all grief looks like tears.
Sometimes the most healing thing you can say is: “That makes perfect sense.”
8. Anchor the future gently
Rather than rushing someone to “move on,” trauma-informed coaches ask:
“What would moving with this grief look like?”
“What do you want life to feel like in three months—not in detail, just in energy?”
These gentle invitations restore agency.
They help people begin to imagine that there is a way forward.
Want to learn these techniques in depth?
These tools are core to our Grief Coach Training.
Built by The STILL Method, the course is:
Fully online
Trauma-informed from the ground up
Includes a ready-to-use 6-week support group model
If you want to help others navigate grief safely, this training is a powerful place to begin.
