Is My Child Anxious? A Practical Guide for Parents

Many parents quietly wonder whether their child is truly anxious or simply going through a phase. This question often arises not from one dramatic moment, but from small, repeated changes in behaviour, mood, or routines.

Anxiety in children does not always look like worry or panic. It is often expressed through the body or through behaviour, which is why it can be difficult to recognise at first. This guide is designed to help you notice the signs, understand the "why" behind them, and decide what support might be helpful.

Identifying the Signs: What Anxiety Looks Like

Childhood anxiety is a "chameleon"—it changes its appearance depending on the child. Whilst some children talk openly about their fears, others show anxiety through avoidance or physical distress.

Physical Indicators (The Body's Response)

• Frequent "Tummy Aches" or Headaches: Especially on school mornings or before social events.
• Nausea: Complaining of feeling sick without a clear medical cause.
• Sleep Disruptions: Difficulty falling asleep, frequent nightmares, or a sudden need for a caregiver to stay in the room.
• Restlessness: Feeling "on edge," fidgety, or having trouble sitting still.

Behavioural Indicators (What They Do)

• Avoidance: Procrastinating on homework, refusing to go to parties, or avoiding situations that were previously manageable.
• Increased Clinginess: A sudden "velcro" effect where the child struggles to separate or stay in a different room.
• Repeated Reassurance Seeking: Asking the same questions over and over (e.g., "Are you sure you're coming back?" or "What if I get sick?").
• Changes in Eating: A sudden drop in appetite or becoming very selective about food during stressful periods.

Emotional Indicators (How They React)

• Irritability and Meltdowns: Anxiety often looks like anger. When a child's nervous system is overwhelmed, they may lash out or have a meltdown that feels out of proportion to the situation.
• Perfectionism: A paralysing fear of making a mistake, which often leads to avoidance rather than high achievement.
• Sensitivity to Change: Strong reactions to small changes in routine or unexpected events.

Patterns Matter More Than Isolated Moments

All children worry at times. Fear and uncertainty are a normal part of development. What matters is not the presence of worry, but its impact.

It may be anxiety if:

• The behaviours are becoming more frequent or increasing in intensity.
• The fear feels difficult to soothe, even with logic.
• Avoidance has become the main coping strategy.
• Daily life begins to shrink around the fear.

A useful question to ask is: Is fear starting to make decisions for my child? When anxiety interferes with school, friendships, eating, or family routines, it is a sign that extra support is needed.

Why Does Anxiety Develop?

Anxiety rarely has a single cause. It usually develops through a combination of factors:

• A Sensitive System: Some children are born with a more "finely tuned" nervous system. They notice more, feel more deeply, and react more strongly to change or uncertainty.
• Life Experiences: Stressful events like illness, bereavement, bullying, or academic pressure can place stress on a child's nervous system.
• The Learning Loop: If a child avoids something scary, their brain experiences immediate relief. This "relief" teaches the brain that avoidance keeps them safe. Over time, this pattern strengthens, and the cycle of fear becomes well-practised.

How Parents Can Support at Home

The most effective support focuses on building skills rather than simply removing the things that cause fear.

• Acknowledge Feelings: Validate that they feel scared without necessarily agreeing that the situation is "dangerous."
• Shift from Certainty to Confidence: Instead of promising "nothing bad will happen," communicate your belief in their ability to cope, even when things feel uncomfortable.
• Encourage Effort: Focus on the "brave action" rather than the outcome.
• Model Calm: Your "calm confidence" provides a powerful anchor for a child who feels out of control.

Structured Support: The STILL Method

Some families find it helpful to use a structured framework to support anxiety consistently. The STILL Method helps children regain control through five clear elements:

• Stop: Learning to halt anxious spirals.
• Talk: Finding a safe way to name and externalise fear.
• Imagine: Using visualisation to build a sense of safety.
• Listen: Understanding the body's physical signals.
• Learn: Practising new, brave patterns over time.

Frequently Asked Questions